


Little Detective Adventure: Luna Nova Investigations

by Wileycap



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Action/Adventure, Akko is a criminal, Alternate Universe, Crack, Detectives, Diana is a cop, Drama, Everybody Is an Adult, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22519897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wileycap/pseuds/Wileycap
Summary: Detective Diana Cavendish of the Luna Nova Special International Police is a prodigiously talented, unusually tenacious and above all utterly serious professional. So how, exactly, does a self-styled cat burglar and notorious jewel thief known as Akko manage to get under her skin like this?Furthermore, why is it starting to seem like the criminal in her life is the only one she can truly rely on, when everybody around her seems to be hiding something?Look inside for: a slightly cracky AU, where Diana is a detective and Akko is a thief with a heart of gold. Watch out for some light steaminess, humour, a mystery where everything is connected, some action, adventure and an exciting chase on top of the Eiffel Tower! But, of course, mainly tune in for our dynamic dorks, Diana and Akko.
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 75
Kudos: 182





	1. Running Into You

Paris.

Diana had always hated Paris. It conjured up memories of unpleasant family trips – accompanying her Aunt Daryl on her “business”: the business of selling their estate piece by piece to criminals. Fancy criminals, who ran the companies listed on Fortune 500, criminals who had the respect and admiration of society, but criminals, nonetheless. She had watched her aunt rub shoulders with vile, despicable people, people who wouldn’t bat an eye when a sweatshop they owned burned down and killed the children working there. She had watched.

And when the time had been right, her aunt had ended up being her first major arrest.

She hadn’t looked back to the life of the heiress. Life as a Luna Nova detective was both simpler and more rewarding. It meant that she could make the world a better place every single day. It meant that she could see the tangible results of her work every time she made an arrest.

It meant that she was going to have to go down _there_.

Diana sighed, looking at the stairs in front of her that lead down to the ancient catacombs of Paris. Why did jewel thieves have to be like this? Any regular criminal would have just given up, put their hands up and started thinking of a list of good lawyers when she cornered them in a hotel room. Not somersaulted out of the bloody window, thinking they were a comic book character. The girl could have broken her neck!

It wasn’t that she was concerned, but Diana didn’t exactly want a life on her conscience… especially not over some rich arsehole’s jewellery. Especially since that same jewellery would likely only be used for some other rich arsehole’s money laundering.

Still, the girl was a criminal. And Diana was a Luna Nova detective.

Sighing once again, she flicked on the flashlight attached to her pistol, and headed down.

* * *

“Hey!” _Click_.

Diana cursed, as she tugged on her left hand, which was now securely attached to a metal gate behind her… by her own cuffs, no less. The thief had been lying in wait for her, and with the characteristic quickness of a thief, she had managed to pickpocket Diana’s handcuffs.

“Hiya, detective!” the girl said, exuberantly, giving the cuffed detective a little wave of her hand. “Sorry about the cuffs, but I gotta run away, so…”

She sounded honestly sorry, thought Diana – but then again, most career criminals were psychopaths. Faking empathy was as common as anything.

“That’s quite alright,” Diana said, evenly. “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to refrain from running, however.”

With her uncuffed right hand, she levelled the pistol she was holding at the thief, whose red eyes glinted in the light of the flashlight. And who, to her chagrin, simply grinned at the gun and proceeded to lean uncomfortably close to Diana.

“Aww, you’re not gonna shoot me, detective,” she spoke, as her hands briefly flitted around the pockets of the detective’s businesslike jacket, her touch light as a feather and her voice coming from somewhere near Diana’s collarbone. Diana kept her gaze straight ahead and tried to keep her head on straight, as well. “Sorry about that, by the way, I just needed to find the key for those cuffs…”

“And why is it that I am not going to shoot you?” she asked, her voice embarrassingly cracking.

“Well, first of all,” the girl said, drawing away from the detective with the key, which she lazily twirled in her fingers, manipulating the tiny object with considerable skill and grace… right up until she dropped it and hastily bent over to pick it back up. “Whoops, sorry! Anyways, I know when somebody checks me out, and you, detective, were checking me out back at the hotel room.”

Diana gritted her teeth. “The only thing I was checking out was a potentially dangerous situation involving a criminal.”

“I guess being all alone with me in that fancy room was a _potentially dangerous situation_ ,” the thief said, lowering her voice to what could only be construed as a poor attempt at a seductive murmur. Diana rolled her eyes and was rewarded with yet another toothy grin from the thief. Realising that she wasn’t in the business of rolling her eyes at flirty criminals, Diana quickly rearranged her face to an impassive mask.

The girl laughed, delighted at Diana’s efforts to maintain professionality. “You’re really cute!”

“May I remind you that I am currently holding you at gunpoint?” Diana asked, exasperated. “My experience as a Luna Nova detective tells me that it is generally considered to be unwise to annoy someone holding you at gunpoint.”

“Right! That’s why I wanted to talk to you,” the annoyingly sunny burglar asked, as if this entire encounter had been facilitated by her, instead of being the result of her being chased. “You’re a Luna Nova detective! Like Shiny Chariot! And she was the best!”

“I find it ironic that you refer to the officer of the law, Chariot du Nord, by her outlaw name,” Diana said. “And since I, personally, do not plan to forsake my oath to uphold the law in order to play Robin Hood, I don’t think I am anything _like_ du Nord. And again, I want to reiterate, _I am holding you at gunpoint._ ”

“Aww, come on, already,” the thief whined. “You’re not gonna shoot, so don’t act like it.”

“Because you think I was eyeing you at the hotel?” Diana scoffed.

“No. Because, _like_ Shiny Chariot, you’re a good cop. And _like_ Chariot – and me – you don’t think a couple of diamonds is anything worth killing someone over, _unlike_ the owner of this here necklace,” the thief listed, with an air of superiority that was, in Diana’s opinion, entirely undeserved – flaunting her stolen necklace as she went on. “And yeah, because you were totally checking me out at the hotel.”

Diana rolled her eyes. Again. “I might just shoot you in the foot.”

That, if she was being entirely honest with herself, was entirely a bluff. Diana was a trained detective and knew very well that one should never fire a weapon at anything or anyone one was not prepared to destroy or kill. Even if the bullet hit only the unknown thief’s ankle, it might tumble and exit out of, say, her thigh and sever her femoral artery while it was at it, and then Diana would have to hold a dying and admittedly attractive jewellery thief in the Parisian Catacombs. All over a necklace that the owner would likely simply forget about in a day or two.

And judging by her expression, the mystery thief knew that.

“So, what happens now?” Diana asked, holstering her gun and thus implicitly admitting defeat.

“Well, I have to escape, and I don’t want you following me,” the thief explained. “So, I’m going to lay this key here – so you can barely reach it – and then I’m going to run away.”

Kneeling, the girl laid the key at her feet, and then looked at her, and back at the key, as if judging the distance. “Wait. Can you reach it, here? Try to reach it.”

“Why are you so concerned for an officer of the law?” Diana questioned. “It seems slightly counterproductive for a criminal, if I may say.”

“Come on,” the girl pouted, from below her where she was still on her knees by the key. “Cop or not, I’m not going to leave you here in the spooky catacombs all night. That’d be mean!”

Sighing, Diana dropped into a squat, coming to eye level with her quarry. She locked eyes with her as if to say, “very well, what now?”

“Now try to reach it,” the girl said, expectantly, answering Diana’s unspoken question. She seemed completely earnest.

Diana didn’t exactly know why she was humouring the criminal. Perhaps because it seemed like the easiest way out of an uncomfortable situation? Yes. That must have been it.

Diana reached over, leaning forward. The thief didn’t move, causing Diana to get rather close in her attempt to get the key, until her ear was practically touching the mystery thief’s shoulder.

And just as it did, the thief turned, and planted a quick kiss on Diana’s cheek.

“My name’s Akko,” she whispered, and giggling madly, Akko turned on her heels and sprinted off, disappearing into the darkness with a final yell over her shoulder. “I’ll see you again, detective!”

“You know we’ll likely never meet again, yes?” Diana called after her, weakly. Her cheek burned. There was no response, only the faint echoes of retreating footsteps, and Diana hung her head, feeling defeated.

She turned to the key.

To her surprise, it wasn’t there. Ever the detective, she immediately deduced that Akko’s feet had been very close to the key as she dashed away, and that the likeliest option was that the thief had unknowingly kicked the key away while running off.

Diana shook her head, frustrated…

and reached for her back pocket, for the _spare_ key.

 _Baffling girl_ , she thought, rubbing at her sore wrist, now freed from the cuffs.

As if by itself, her hand reached to touch her cheek.

_Akko._

* * *

Akko.

Akko.

Akko.

In her office, in the headquarters of Luna Nova in Blytonbury, Diana leaned back in her chair and groaned.

There were no matches in any of the Luna Nova databases! By her cocky attitude, Diana had figured that the burglar must have a rap sheet, but… thus far, nothing. Either the girl was much better than she seemed, to avoid detection for so long – or, she was much worse and simply hadn’t done anything of note.

Diana couldn’t decide which one was the worse option. Either there was a mysterious supercriminal on the loose, and Luna Nova had no idea of her identity, or she, Diana Cavendish, one of the greatest detectives in the world, had been embarrassed by a novice.

The case itself was minor. The necklace totalled less than fifty thousand pounds – in the grand scale of thefts, embezzlements and fraud that happened in the world, it was less than a drop in the ocean. But there was something about the girl...

 _A crush_ , said an annoyingly honest voice inside her. Diana waved it off. It wasn’t as if she was a teenager. She had had crushes before and knew them to be nothing to get worked up over. In actuality, it was more Akko’s admiration of “Shiny” Chariot du Nord that had caught her interest.

Detective Chariot du Nord had been a rising star some fifteen years ago; at the height of her popularity both a mainstream celebrity and a superstar in the world of law enforcement. She had advocated for rehabilitating criminals and had been especially concerned with preventing crime by starting with the children – she had raised billions for education, after-school programs, apprenticeships for at-risk youths… people had loved her. She inspired millions.

Until it had come out that most of the billions she had raised had actually been embezzled from various different large banks – meaning that several retirement accounts, investment accounts and savings accounts had been emptied without their owners ever knowing about it. There had been a huge scandal – the money had been used up already, Chariot had sworn innocence, and then things had gotten worse: a series of videos of her doing heists as “Shiny” Chariot had come out. The embezzling might have been a honest mix-up or the work of an outside actor, Diana had reasoned, but the heists themselves had definitely been committed by Chariot. The money had gone to several charities – many of which had been forced to fold after the truth had come to light.

Afterwards, there had never been a trial - at least not a public one. Chariot had simply disappeared.

At the time, Luna Nova Special International Police – LunaSIP for short – had been probably the most powerful law enforcement agency worldwide, with the authority to operate in every country save a few with impunity. They had been able to pursue criminals across country lines and even conduct entire trials without consulting any law book except the Luna Nova Codex.

Afterwards, public trust in LunaSIP had waned. Several countries had imposed heavy restrictions upon them, and Luna Nova had been forced to allow civilian judges into their system, owing to the fact that there had been no public trial of Chariot. However, by the time the civilian judges got there, the records had been sealed – and thus, it was entirely possible that Chariot had simply changed her name and assumed some role within LunaSIP, hidden within the massive bureaucracy. For some reason, Diana always imagined the red-haired star detective toiling away in Antarctica.

However, the fact remained that practically nobody admired Chariot anymore. Civilians and Luna Nova personnel despised her because she had turned criminal, and criminals hated her because she had been a cop.

So, for a jewellery thief to openly proclaim Chariot to be “the best” was… curious, to say the least.

Still, there were no leads. Diana sighed.

She wanted to interview somebody – a witness. But right now, the only tangible connection she had was between Akko and Chariot, and of those two, Akko was nowhere to be found, and Chariot… well, it wasn’t like she could ask Chariot, now could she?

A knock on her door caused her to straighten up, as the door creaked open and a mess of blue hair and glasses peered in.

“Chief Callistis,” Diana greeted her Section Chief. Ursula Callistis was a competent, if harried, woman in her late thirties. Diana reported directly to her – which she appreciated, as Chief Callistis extended her detectives a comparatively large amount of trust.

“Hello, Diana,” the woman replied, warmly, taking note of the messy state of Diana’s desk, which was covered in data about both Chariot and any possible leads on Akko. “Something on your mind?”

“I am trying to track a jewellery thief I ran into in Paris,” Diana explained. “She seemed to have a connection to Chariot du Nord, so I attempted to cross-reference her alias with anybody connected to du Nord.”

“Really, now?” Chief Callistis seemed pensive. “I find it hard to imagine any of Chariot’s associates would still be active.”

“She is not exactly an associate, I wouldn’t think,” Diana elaborated. “More of a… fan.”

“A fan? Well, my, my,” Callistis said. “It’s certainly rare to find a Chariot fan… and a jewellery thief, at that.”

“It’s certainly impossible to actually find her,” Diana said, wryly. “It seems as if I keep running into one dead end after another.”

“Well, what age was she?” asked the Chief.

Diana was slightly taken aback by the question. “I suppose… around my age?”

“That means she would’ve been a child when Chariot was active,” Callistis pondered. “Have you tried going through records of her old after school programs? As I recall, she used to run several of those junior police officer programs for children – if this thief of yours is a fan, perhaps she attended one of those. Though to go from a junior police officer to a jewellery thief…”

Callistis shook her head, seemingly lost in thought.

“Well, perhaps it’s not that surprising, considering how Chariot turned out.” As she often did, when the topic of Chariot du Nord came up, Ursula Callistis sounded almost bitter. Diana wondered – as often before – if she had had some sort of personal connection to the fallen star detective. However, Ursula seemed to free herself from her thoughts, and focused on Diana. “In any case, I’ve got… a case for you. A businessman is being suspected of funnelling money to the Italian mafia. Details are in here. I’m sorry, I’ve got to hurry!”

And with that, she handed Diana a brown paper envelope, and just as soon, she was gone.

Diana didn’t even look at the case she had been assigned. Instead, overjoyed at the gold nugget of a lead her chief had provided her, she opened her computer, and started going through Chariot junior police programs.

It was actually rather embarrassing that she hadn’t thought of it herself. After all, she had attended one of those programs. She typed frantically on her computer, until, finally, she found what she was looking for, and her face lit up with excitement.

_Junior LunaSIP Officer Profile_

_Name: Atsuko ‘Akko’ Kagari_

_Age: 8_

_Motto: I want everybody to be able to smile and nobody to have to be sad!!!_

As Diana stared at the honestly very cute child in her profile photo, giving the camera a thumbs up while wearing a comically oversized police hat, she couldn’t help but to grin. She thought of the oldest, most traditional saying amongst detectives:

Gotcha!

* * *

Diana made her way through the mess of people, some of whom were attempting to dance to the atrocious live music being played by a band drunker than most of the guests. Thankfully, she wasn’t there for the music.

Louis Blackwell was a trust fund baby and a general nuisance, and now apparently a laundering service for the mob, to boot. Diana always took a certain professional pride in catching criminals, but after reading Blackwell’s personality profile and being subjected to this party in his trashy modern mansion, Diana would also be taking some amount of personal joy in putting him away for a long time.

She was wearing sensible slacks and a top, as well as a leather jacket. For once, she would have liked to go to a party where one could actually wear a dress. After all, what was the point in owning several dresses ranging from fancy to cute, if one never got to wear them? Alas, Blackwell’s taste in parties was less of a formal ball and more of a… frat party.

Diana sneered. If anything positive was to be found, it was that the general atmosphere made it very easy to spot the actual criminals – they were the least obnoxious ones.

Her mission was simple. Blackwell was supposed to be accepting a large amount of money during the party, and Diana would need to observe and record the drop, and then arrest all the parties involved – but especially Blackwell, as the little snot would most certainly spill his guts and give up all of his partners, as soon as he was threatened with jail time. At the current moment, Blackwell was busy trying to impress some girl with short orange-pink hair.

As she was scanning the room for any criminal types who might be holding large amounts of illegal money, something bumped into her.

Someone.

“Soh-sorry,” a feminine, slurred voice spoke.

Diana was about to wave the drunk off and continue looking, when she happened to take in the assortment of short shorts, a t-shirt with Japanese lettering, brown hair and red eyes that had just bumped into her.

 _It seems as if the universe has a cruel sense of humour,_ Diana thought, as the brunette in front of her swayed slightly.

“Hello, Atsuko,” Diana greeted.

The brunette squinted at her. Then her eyes widened, in fear.

“It’s you!” she squealed and threw her arms around Diana’s shoulders.

Apparently that had not been fear, then.

“Oh god,” Akko tittered, breaking from the hug. “I- I just realised I- I never asked for, for, for your name.”

“It’s Diana,” Diana said, bemused by the thief’s casual reaction to her. Introducing herself by her first name seemed odd, somehow – she was definitely used to being “Detective Cavendish”, but at a party, surrounded by strangers, some of whom were criminals, being Diana was simply safer. “And _you_ are very drunk.”

“I’m not drunk, I’m Akko!” the brunette declared, happily, before beginning to muse on Diana’s name. “Di-a-na. S’ pretty, pretty name. Do you think pretty people have pretty names, or are all pretty peoples’ names pretty ‘cause they’re pretty?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” Diana said, dryly, before turning back to the crowd. Blackwell hadn’t moved, but the woman was gone – no surprises there. “May I ask what exactly you’re doing here?”

“Stealing, you know. Oh, no, wait, I shouldn’t tell you that…” Akko said, looking very lost. “Forget that. I’m here to party!”

“Well, you’ve certainly partied,” Diana muttered. “How did you end up like that?”

“You know the punch?” Akko whispered, leaning forward conspiratorially, as if sharing a big secret.

“Yes?” Diana replied, curious despite herself. Had someone poisoned it? Akko looked around them, as if to see if anybody was listening, and then motioned for Diana to come even closer. Diana obliged, leaning forward slightly. Swaying slightly, Akko leaned over to literally whisper in Diana’s ear, placing her hands on the blonde detective’s shoulders for stability. Diana’s other hand went to Akko’s waist, and she told herself that it was also to help the brunette stay upright, as she waited to hear what Akko had to say.

“I think it’s got alcohol in it,” Akko breathed, her breath hot on Diana’s ear, and then drew away, giggling. Diana blushed furiously.

“Oh, for heaven’s sakes,” Diana snapped. “It ought to have, they emptied bottle after bottle of vodka into it. How much did you have?”

Akko counted on her fingers. “Eight.”

“Eight? Eight sips? Shots? Glasses?” Diana asked, and when Akko nodded at “glasses”, she started doing some quick mental math, arriving to a horrifying conclusion. “You’ve had the equivalent of a full bottle of spirits!”

“Yep!” Akko affirmed, her eyes focusing in and out on Diana. Suddenly Diana seemed to notice how out of it the thief was. “Like… why do they make it so sweet, if you… if you can’t have _lots_?”

Just then, Diana noticed two burly, sinister looking men carrying duffel bags start to move through the crowd, towards Blackwell. She cursed, turning back to Akko.

“Akko, listen,” she said, trying to get the brunette to focus on her. Her training kicked in, and she used the name the thief seemed to use for herself. “I need you to stay right here for a while, alright? Akko, I need you to stay very still.”

The brunette was zoning out. And all around them were strangers – suddenly the crowd turned from obnoxious to hostile in Diana’s eyes. Suddenly, everyone seemed like a threat. Akko bobbled on her heels, entirely unaware of the people surrounding her.

Diana made a decision.

“Come on, Akko,” she said, taking the shorter woman by the elbow. “We need to go, now.”

“I thought you said stay,” the spacey brunette said, swaying to the music and mumbling her words.

Akko allowed herself to be led out without resisting, which was a small mercy. But not without complaining.

“Come on, Di-a-na, it’s not that serious,” she slurred, half-heartedly tugging at Diana’s collar as they went. “I’ve been drunk before. Sucy tells me I’m so dumb, my body just forgets it’s drunk and that’s why I get sober so quickly… I get sober super quickly, by the way… hey, do you wanna hit a club?”

Diana ignored Akko as they exited the mansion into the cool night air.

She was angry. At herself, at the thief, at the circumstances. Everything in her was telling her that Akko was an adult, and perfectly capable of getting herself out of any trouble she got into, and in any case, Diana definitely wasn’t responsible for her. For heaven’s sakes, they had met exactly once before! It made no sense for her to just drop everything for her like this.

It was that she wanted to catch the mystery thief, Diana told herself. Nothing more. That thought seemed to calm her down, so Diana clung to it. Yes, Akko was a complete unknown to Luna Nova. She might be a vastly bigger criminal than Blackwell. It made sense to check it out, before she went underground again. She had evaded detection for this long, who knew how long it would be before she surfaced again?

Diana looked at the suspected master criminal, who was currently taking an extremely blurry – due to the fact that she kept swaying in place - selfie on her phone, with some kind of dog filter on it.

Diana sighed. So much for that.

Tugging Akko forward, she led them to her car.

“I hope that you appreciate that I’m abandoning an important investigation for you,” Diana said, evenly, not looking at the brunette. “Get in the car.”

Akko got into the passenger’s seat, and Diana climbed into the driver’s seat. Akko looked like she was digesting Diana’s words.

“What kind of investigation?” she asked. Diana debated with herself whether or not she should give Akko any sensitive info and concluded that the thief was unlikely to even remember anything she was told in the state she was in, much less pass it on.

“The fellow who owns the mansion, Louis Blackwell – I was supposed to observe him receiving some illegal money,” Diana explained, finally.

“Oh,” Akko said, fiddling with her phone again. “Hang on, I can tell Amanda to do that for you!”

“I’m sure that’s not necessary, I-“

“Yeah, Amanda says she’ll do it!” Akko exuberantly exclaimed. “There. Now your investigation will be so, so very done. Yay!”

Diana doubted that Amanda, whoever she was, could provide her with anything useful, but… it was a nice gesture, still. “Thank you.”

“So, where we going?” Akko asked. “Somewhere fun?”

Diana looked at the brunette and her large, expectant eyes. In her mind, she had been telling herself that she was taking Akko straight to the nearest Luna Nova holding station, for questioning. And now, looking at her, she would have to break her the bad news that she was, in fact, being arrested. She told herself, over and over, to say “I am taking you to a Luna Nova holding station, and you are under arrest for theft.”

“No,” Diana said. Akko’s face fell. “I am taking you to my home. You are in dire need of sobering up.”

Akko’s face lit up, again. “You’re inviting me over?”

“No,” Diana insisted. “Just so you can sober up in a safe place. And then – in the morning – I’m arresting you.”

In the morning, Diana told herself.

* * *

Diana carried in a glass of water and a painkiller. Outside, night had truly fallen.

In the guest room, Akko had slipped into the bed and had wrapped herself up in a blanket, creating the effect of looking much like a worm. Diana entered, closing the door behind her.

“Aww, thanks,” Akko cooed when she saw what Diana was carrying. Diana set the glass and the pill on the nightstand next to the bed. “I sober up pretty good though, don’t worry. I can’t get over how huge your house is!”

“It’s my ancestral home,” Diana explained, sitting down at the foot of the bed. The Cavendish manor was certainly large, but it had long since fallen into disrepair. The masonry had cracked and most of the rooms were unfurnished, save for a few. The entire east wing of the house had been closed off when Diana had been only a child. “I’m afraid it’s not all that fancy, though. It’s mostly empty rooms.”

Akko considered Diana’s words. “You know what you should do?”

“Yes?” Diana asked.

“Turn it into an Airbnb!” Akko said.

“Really, now?” Diana murmured. “You know what you should do?”

“Come run it with you?” Akko asked, grinning at Diana. “’Cause I can do that! See, I think we could run like a breakfast bar in the big dining room you have over there, and then we’d make double money-”

“What you should do is go to sleep,” Diana interrupted, before the brunette could build up too much steam. “Remember, I’m arresting you in the morning.”

Akko pouted, unfurling herself from her blanket tortilla. “That’s a bummer.”

“Indeed,” Diana agreed. “I suggest you enjoy your final night of freedom.”

At Diana’s words, Akko’s pout turned into a downright mischievous look. Drunkenly rearranging herself on the bed, she ended up on her side, facing Diana with one hand propping up her head and the other resting on her hip. “You gonna help me enjoy it?”

Diana’s eye roll was downright aggressive. “Good night.”

Her attempt to stand up was interrupted by Akko’s hand grasping her wrist gently and the urgent, pleading tone in Akko’s voice. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry, I’m just teasing. Please don’t leave me alone.”

“Why?” Diana asked, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark.”

Akko fidgeted. “Well, no… but I am kind of, sort of, afraid of unfamiliar houses.”

“You’re kidding me,” Diana said, incredulous. Akko gave no indication of being anything less than serious. “But… you’re a _burglar_.”

“Well, it’s not the breaking in that’s the problem! It’s just sleeping in them,” Akko defended. Diana’s expression was still doubting, so she continued. “Listen, when I was in my teens, I kind of had a rough period in life, and I had to sleep in a bunch of places where people aren’t meant to sleep, and I had to be on my guard a lot, okay?”

The thief looked pathetic enough that Diana relented. She grabbed a few of the decorative pillows that had been strewn across the bed by the lively thief and placed them against the headboard, sitting down against it in a half-resting position. Akko perked to look up at Diana.

“I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep,” Diana murmured, turning off the light on the nightstand.

“Thanks,” Akko yawned, exhaustion beginning to take over.

Without another word, the still quite drunk burglar-who-was-afraid-of-unfamiliar-houses curled up with her head resting against Diana’s thigh, and Diana couldn’t summon up the resolve to push her away. Red eyes settled to look up at her from below, and they fell into a silence.

Diana was content to meet the eyes looking at her. After a while, her hand reached up on her own accord, and stroked at the brown bangs lining the face that looked up at her. She took in the thief’s features: a short nose, cheeks that had once been rounder, a brow that seemed equally good at loosening with joy and tightening with determination. And in the centre of it all, those red eyes, half-lidded now.

 _That’s very poetic of you_ , said the annoying voice inside her. She pushed it down, her expression tightening.

Akko’s eyes opened a fraction more, and her hand reached out to trace the lines that had appeared in the corner of Diana’s mouth.

“What are you afraid of?” she whispered.

“Excuse me?” Diana asked, mystified. The red eyes seemed awfully clear, now.

“I told you my fear,” Akko explained. “What about you?”

Diana hmphed, softly. “I can tell you I’m not afraid of unfamiliar houses.”

“Do you ever talk to anybody?” Akko asked, ignoring the barb with an earnestness that made Diana uncomfortable. Her hand was still drawing small circles at the corner of Diana’s mouth. Diana pushed it away and turned her head.

“You’re being very personal,” Diana deflected. “Shouldn’t you sleep?”

Akko propped herself up on her hands and knees, raising herself to eye level with Diana. “In the morning, you’re going to dump me in some dingy cell with a couple of creepy interrogators, and I’ll never see you again, probably. So, I have to take all the chances I got to get personal. You know, before it’s too late.”

Diana narrowed her eyes at Akko’s dramatic tone. “If you are attempting to make me feel guilty about arresting a criminal, I’ll have to warn you that that won’t work.”

Akko pouted. “I just want you to answer one question. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”

“Yes, it is. I am not about to start a group therapy session with a burglar,” Diana said. “Please, go to sleep before I retract my offer of staying with you.”

Not wanting the detective to follow up her threat, Akko settled again, this time resting her head fully on Diana’s lap. There was a moment of silence, and then the brunette spoke again. “I’m just trying to help. I don’t know you that well, but I don’t think you talk to a lot of people. So, I think… sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger, you know? No pressure. But that’s okay, you don’t have to.”

A pause.

“Good night, Diana.”

Diana didn’t respond.

“Diana?”

Still, Diana remained silent.

“Okay, I’ll just go to sleep-“

“Failure.”

“Huh?”

Diana closed her eyes and drew a breath. Her hands wrung themselves together on her lap. “I am afraid of failing.”

Akko laid her hand on top of Diana’s. “Why?”

Diana extracted her other hand and used it to gesture vaguely around her. “All of this, it was built by other people. I only inherited it. Ever since I was born as an only child, the only heir, there has been so much pressure on me, to rebuild our house and restore our legacy. And not only that, I am supposed to pursue my own goals, as well. To be the best detective I can. To make a difference in this world. And every day, I am so afraid that I’ll fail.”

“Isn’t there anybody else? Like your parents or relatives?” Akko asked.

Diana breathed out, with a slight hitch. “No, there isn’t anybody else. Only me.”

“Sounds lonely,” Akko said, squeezing Diana’s midsection.

“It is.” The words spilled out of Diana’s mouth before she could hang onto them to stop them. “I am lonely.”

Immediately, she regretted admitting so much.

A hand reached over to touch her cheek, tenderly. She looked down to find Akko looking at her.

“I’ll be your friend,” the brunette whispered. “Then at least you aren’t all alone.”

Diana attempted a wry smile, desperately wanting to turn away the daggers of kindness Akko was currently jabbing into her heart. “At least until I, ah, ‘dump you in some dingy cell’ in the morning.”

“Oh, wow, did I really manage to make you feel bad about that?” Akko laughed. “Don’t worry. I won’t hold it against you. But hey, if you change your mind, we could always give my Airbnb-idea a try…”

Diana’s next smile was genuine, and Akko smiled back – and was interrupted by a yawn, which Diana took as a sign.

“Alright, time to sleep,” Diana murmured, gently pushing Akko to rest on the bed. Akko, not willing to go down without a fight, grabbed onto Diana’s arm and dragged Diana down with her, until she had the detective in a sort of a spooning position, with Akko’s back to Diana’s chest and the thief holding her arm wrapped around her. “Ahem. Akko, let go of my arm.”

Akko didn’t respond, except with an exaggerated and obviously fake snore.

“Akko.” Diana demanded. “Let go.”

More fake snoring.

“Akko, I know you aren’t asleep.”

“Am too!”

Behind Akko, Diana rolled her eyes. “Just let go, please.”

“It won’t kill you to snuggle a little bit,” Akko grumbled. “Please? Call it a condemned woman’s last wish.”

Diana sighed. “Just until you fall asleep.”

“Aww, you’re the best,” Akko mumbled, sleep overtaking her. Within seconds, Diana could feel her breathing slow down to the slow, heavy breaths of one who was in a deep sleep.

Diana debated removing her arm and leaving the room. She really did. But to do so might wake the sleeping thief, and then she’d have to stay there for even longer, until Akko fell asleep again. So, Diana told herself, it made perfect sense to stay there for a moment. Merely for necessary reasons.

 _That is utter bullshit, and you know it_ , said the annoyingly honest voice inside her. Diana pushed it down.

And then, for purely necessary reasons, she held the brunette a little closer.

* * *

Diana woke with a start.

The room was chilly. Someone had left the window open, and the cool English morning air had gotten in.

She had the slightly uncomfortable all-around feeling of one who had slept in her clothes all of last night. The last thing she remembered was resting her eyes for a second, because Akko had refused to let her arm go, and…

Akko!

Frantically, she looked around her, finding the brunette to be gone. Jumping out of bed, she rushed out of the guest bedroom and started combing the manor for any sign of the thief.

No luck. Akko was undoubtedly long gone. Diana pinched the bridge of her nose and cursed herself internally. She had been an idiot to trust a criminal – she should have taken her immediately to a Luna Nova holding station, or even straight to headquarters.

Returning to the guest room, she spotted a note on the nightstand, next to an empty glass of water. Lifting it up, she found it to be full of a messy sort of handwriting.

_Hi, Diana!_

_Sorry for running away. I hope you aren’t too mad at me, but I don’t want to go to prison. I’m also really sorry for ruining your investigation. Text me at this number –_ there was a phone number, presumably Akko’s – _and I’ll send you the videos Amanda took. She got Blackwell taking the money and making some sort of deal with the mob guys, I didn’t really get that much but she told me you’d like it._

_xx_

_Akko_

_ps. you’re really cute when you sleep_

_pps. I sort of took a pair of your earrings. hey, jewellery thief, remember? ;) they’re insurance, so you’ll have a reason to see me again._

_ppps. I ran into Anna, your housekeeper? and I thought that you probably wouldn’t want her to know that you sort of let a criminal get away, so I tried to explain, and I didn’t explain very well, and I think she thinks we hooked up. sorry._

Diana read the note.

Then she read it again.

Finally setting it down, she digested the information.

 _Well, at least I’ve got her phone number_ , she thought. _No doubt it’s a burner phone, but at least it gives me some sort of lead on her._

Naturally, she was only interested in Akko’s phone number for purely investigative purposes.

Picking up the note again, she carefully folded it and tucked it into her pocket, before heading to the kitchen. Humming happily, she prepared a pot of tea, poured herself a cup and was in the process of buttering some toast when Anna, the housekeeper of Cavendish manor, walked in.

Diana, who had happily forgotten the last part of Akko’s note, gave Anna an uncharacteristically happy wave and a smile before digging into her toast. Anna, in turn, took in Diana’s dishevelled but contented appearance with a stern expression.

“Lady Diana, as much as I enjoy seeing you happy, I must say that I do not think your mother would approve of you engaging in… one-night stands.”

Diana nearly choked on her toast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've now confirmed for myself that I do not know how to limit myself. I know where I want the characters to go and how they'll end up there, but for some reason, it always takes three times the length I think to get them there... still, I enjoy writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading this!
> 
> In the next chapter, the dynamic dorks text, make out and there is plenty of drama. And still to come: Ursula being a badass and Lotte being a getaway driver!


	2. Running From You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the rating: I read the guidelines, and kept to what I have seen in PG13 Hollywood films. If you feel the rating is inappropriate, please give feedback!

Finnelan hadn’t been happy, and Diana hadn’t been surprised. After all, Diana had abandoned an important case that had been prepared for months and months, long before she was assigned to the it, all to rescue a drunken thief, whom she had proceeded to bring, not to a Luna Nova station, but to her own home, where she had had a heart-to-heart with the thief, _snuggled_ with the thief for most of the night, and then promptly let the thief escape in the morning. Any of those things alone would have been grounds for suspension for any Luna Nova detective, so to say that Finnelan hadn’t been happy was a gross understatement.

Of course, Diana hadn’t exactly bothered to mention _all_ the things she had done last night. Anne Finnelan, the Department Chief of the Luna Nova Blytonbury branch – the boss of her boss, Chief Callistis -, was a holy terror even on a good day. The woman was utterly uncompromising and demanded nothing short of perfection from her subordinates. So – as she, unlike a certain infuriating thief she knew, possessed a healthy survival instinct – Diana’s version of the events had been more along the lines of “I recruited a third party to continue the investigation, as I stepped in to aid an incapacitated civilian.”

And even then, with only that highly sanitized version of the events – as well as the video material of Blackwell both accepting the money and talking about an even larger deal with some organization called the Wagandea Club – it had taken Chief Callistis’ intervention to save Diana from a suspension.

“I will vouch for my subordinate,” the blue-haired woman had said, with a surprisingly steely tone. “I, of all people, know the importance of maintaining _public trust_.”

In an even greater surprise, Finnelan had actually relented after considering the words. Diana – who was, after all, a detective – could tell there was some sort of history or hidden meaning in the words “public trust”, but whatever meaning there was, was an utter mystery to her.

“Very well. Detective Cavendish!” Finnelan had snapped, after pondering for a while. “Considering your superior’s words, and your excellent service record, I will only be issuing a written warning to you. And I will caution you verbally, as well: the next time you see a civilian in trouble during a mission, do the reasonable thing and call it in! Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Diana had replied, standing smartly at attention.

“Now, as of the future,” Finnelan had continued. “I will admit that your carelessness has wrought a blessing in disguise – we’ve learned that there is a connection between this Wagandea Club and Blackwell. Whatever the Wagandea Club is, the recording seems to imply that they are either above or have some type of influence over the Italian mafia. However, we will need additional intelligence before we can move on either of them. Chief Callistis, as it was your team who uncovered the original connection between the mob and Blackwell, I will leave the matter with you. I will expect regular reports. Understood? Dismissed!”

And with that, they had been ejected from Finnelan’s office, and Diana had ended up where she currently was, standing in the office of Chief Callistis, who had wanted a word with her.

She waited patiently as the older woman went through her computer, seemingly unconcerned with Diana. Diana could guess what the talk was going to be about: out of all her superiors, Callistis knew her the best, and had likely guessed that Diana’s official story wasn’t the full story.

“So,” Callistis began, at last, peering at Diana over the rim of her glasses. “Are you going to tell me what actually happened last night?”

Diana steeled herself. Chief Callistis had always extended her a large amount of trust and allowed her to operate much as she saw fit. She was not about to repay that with dishonesty. “The jewel thief I have been investigating was at the party. She was highly intoxicated, and I was both concerned for her well-being and eager to arrest her. It was the former of those motives that led me to abandon the surveillance on Blackwell.”

“I see. So, did you arrest her?” Callistis asked, still peering at Diana with a penetrating gaze.

“No. I brought her to my home, as I…” Diana fumbled. Why had she really brought Akko to her home? Was there any reason that she could give that would be even slightly acceptable, in a professional sense? “I… am not sure what led to my decision in that regard, to be entirely honest. I allowed her to sleep off her intoxication, and she managed to escape as I slept.”

“You are unsure as to why you decided to bring a criminal to your home?” Again, Callistis’ voice had an edge of steel.

“I... suppose that I might have thought that a kind gesture would make her more likely to cooperate with an investigation.” Diana offered, weakly, knowing exactly how flimsy of an excuse it was. Her Chief’s gaze seemed to be saying _bullshit_ , even though Diana knew that the woman was far too polite to say it out loud.

“Bullshit, detective,” Callistis said, shocking Diana. She turned the screen of her computer so that Diana could see the image that was currently on it. It was of two women, standing in what Diana recognized to be Blackwell’s hideous mansion. The other woman, a brunette in short shorts and a t-shirt with her hair in a weird half-ponytail was leaning into the other, blonde woman, with her hands on the blonde’s shoulders, whispering in her ear. But what caught Diana’s eye was her own expression – as the picture was, of course, of Akko and her last night – which was…

In the image, Diana’s hand was on Akko’s waist, and her whole body was leaning towards the brunette, but it was the expression on her face that was truly shocking for the detective. With wide eyes, the Diana in the image was biting her lip and looking completely, utterly smitten.

“I…” Diana began, unable to meet the older woman’s eyes. Callistis held up her hand.

“Detective Cavendish, do I need to remind you that any sort of fraternising with the criminal element, outside of necessary contact or cooperation with established criminal informants and such, is grounds for immediate termination for any Luna Nova detective?” the Chief thundered. Diana opened her mouth, realised she had nothing to say, and closed it again. “Now, if this picture – which _was,_ until this morning, on a public SwiftPic page with the hashtag ‘couple goals’ – were to find its way to Finnelan’s desk, what conclusion do you think she would arrive at?”

“Now, I see no reason to report this to Finnelan,” the Chief spoke, removing her glasses as she did. “I trust you. I haven’t met a detective I trust more. But I hope you understand my concern.”

“I do,” Diana said, her voice hollow. Callistis looked at the suddenly very young-looking star detective in front of her and was reminded that Diana was indeed only twenty-three.

“Listen, Diana,” she said, gently, after a while. “I’m going to give you two pieces of personal advice from my own personal experience. The first one is this: be careful with your heart. People are not always who they seem - and this goes double for criminals, and triple for flashy jewel thieves. If you give your heart to the wrong person, they’re liable to tear it to pieces.”

“I see.” Diana said, faintly, still looking at the floor.

“And the second piece of advice is this… don’t be too careful.” There was something strange about the Chief’s tone. Diana lifted her eyes from the floor. There was a small, sad smile on Callistis’ lips. “Life isn’t black and white. The world isn’t divided into only good people and bad people, much less criminals and good people. There are plenty of good people who don’t follow the law, and plenty of evil ones who follow it to the letter. There are plenty of evil people out there who make laws.”

“What I’m saying is… life is, ultimately, one accident after another, and wherever we end up in life is more often than not nothing more than that: an accident. And the only thing you can do is try and make the most of it. And if it means finding a little bit of happiness in an unexpected or even… forbidden place, I would advise you – based on my own life experience – to go for it.”

There was a pause, as Diana tried to make sense of what she’d heard. Was her Chief implying…?

Her speech done, Callistis coughed, awkwardly. “Well, then. That’s enough personal talk. Now! It’s Saturday, correct?”

“Yes?” Diana asked, unsure of where the conversation was headed next. What did the weekday have to do with anything? Diana was used to working through the weekends.

“That means I don’t want to see you on duty until… Wednesday. And that’s final,” Ursula said, clapping her hands together. “Take some time to clear your head, and I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

Diana nodded, numbly, and left the office.

* * *

Somehow, she had managed to stumble out of the large Luna Nova headquarters. Midday was upon the world, and the sun was shining brightly. Clearing her head, Diana decided, sounded very good. At the current moment, there were far too many things in there. There was a knot building inside her, tightening slowly and choking away all her rational thought.

Callistis’ words had further served to confuse her already confused mind. Surely, she – a distinguished Luna Nova Chief – couldn’t suggest… whatever it was that she had been suggesting. Or not suggesting.

Diana groaned. She walked briskly on the streets of Blytonbury, hoping to run into… hoping to find something to do. As if on cue, her phone buzzed. Pulling it out of her pocket, she opened up the messaging app to find one new message from…

_AKKO: heyyy, were the videos good? sorry again for making anna think we hooked up and your investigation and all that stuff. was your boss mad?_

Right. That was a thing. Akko did, indeed, have her number now. And apparently, she liked to use it.

Diana thought about ignoring the message, and was swiftly convinced out of it, when her phone buzzed again, repeatedly.

_AKKO: oh no you’re going to leave me on seen!!!_

_AKKO: this happens every time_

_AKKO: you sleep with a girl one time and they ghost you_

_AKKO: cruel world_

Diana sighed, and cut into the nearest café, a small place called the Last Wednesday Society. With an iced tea, she settled to a table with her back to the wall and began the arduous task of responding to Akko.

_DIANA: Hello. I was walking and could not respond to you immediately. The recordings were useful, thank you. My superiors were agreeable. And in the future, I would appreciate it if you refrained from saying that we have ‘slept together’._

That last part was practically an invitation to banter, and Diana knew it. Chief Callistis’ words swam to the forefront of her mind. Texting wasn’t a crime, after all, and if it could distract her from her current, discombobulated state… well, why not?

_AKKO: gotcha, sorry babe. we’ll go with shared a bed._

Diana’s lips quirked.

_DIANA: No. ‘Babe’ is also out._

_AKKO: k, honey, held each other in the night?_

_DIANA: Absolutely not. And before you call me ‘sugar’, let’s just agree on no food-based nicknames. After all, you wouldn’t want to eat me, would you?_

There was a curiously sudden pause in the messages. The three dots that signified that Akko was typing appeared and disappeared in rapid succession. Diana wondered what was going on. Why would a simple comment about nicknames be this hard to respond to? What, was Akko going to claim that she _did_ want to e-

Diana’s eyes widened as realisation dawned. She typed frantically.

_DIANA: It is very important to me that you realise that my previous message carried with it no innuendo or anything of the sort and please ignore any connotations it might have had as they were wholly unintended._

There was another pause.

_AKKO: oh._

_AKKO: my._

_AKKO: god._

_AKKO: wow diana just wow_

_AKKO: i’m never going to believe that was unintentional no matter what you say_

Diana covered her eyes with a hand, trying to fight down her blush. Her phone continued to buzz with messages.

_AKKO: like diana i know we made a love connection but wooow._

Enough was enough, though. Diana had some weapons of her own, and it was high time to change both the subject and the person getting embarrassed. Looking in her pictures folder, she found one particular image that she’d saved from the research she’d done on Akko. Choosing the picture, the thought occurred to her that the amount of research she’d done on Akko over the past few weeks since their meeting in Paris would have been stalking if done by any other person than a detective pursuing a criminal… but, Akko didn’t need to know that. All she needed to see was this one piece of… critical evidence.

Akko’s messages were still coming. Diana cut through the teasing, interrupting her flood of texts with one of her own.

_DIANA: Love connection is also out. But I do apologize for shocking you, but to be fair, you did shock me first. You see, I had no idea you were a witch._

There was a pause.

_AKKO: witch?_

_AKKO: wait_

_AKKO: no_

_AKKO: NO_

_AKKO: you didn’t!!_

Smirking evilly, Diana hit send on a picture of a somewhat more pimply-faced Akko in a robe and a wide-brimmed hat, holding a broomstick and a wand, typing out underneath it:

_DIANA: I had no idea you had a Harold Panner phase._

_AKKO: arrrgh i can’t believe you dug that up i was trying to be cool and everything too. well so much for that, my secret is out. i, akko, great cat burglar, am actually just a huge dork._

_AKKO: but i still stand behind the HP books, they were amazing_

Diana smiled at the screen. She had actually read the Harold Panner books, as well.

_DIANA: To be honest, I already knew you were a bit of a dork._

_DIANA: Besides, the witch look is kind of cute on you._

That message was skirting the line between harmless texting and something else, but Diana didn’t much care.

_AKKO: you think? maybe if this whole classy cat burglar thing doesn’t work out i could try that out._

_DIANA: Immediately as you added ‘classy’ in there, you failed by default. I suppose being a witch is your only option now._

_AKKO: hah. i’m totally classy. you should see the last girl i had a little “nighttime rendeivou” with. she had a mansion._

Diana raised an eyebrow, sipping on her iced tea.

_DIANA: ‘Night-time rendezvous?’ That’s certainly a flowery expression. And a curious way to spell it._

She waited for Akko to respond.

_AKKO: honestly thats the first time i’m hearing that word so i think i did okay_

_AKKO: so is that one okay?_

_DIANA: No_.

_AKKO: aww. lotte said that one was totally romantic_

_AKKO: then again she’s a night fall fan so_

Diana made a sound of derision and was just about to textually slam _night fall_ to Akko, when a voice interrupted her.

“Wow, who’s the lucky guy?”

Diana snapped her head up and stashed her phone away, only now noticing Hannah England, one of the junior analysts in Chief Callistis’ unit and a childhood friend, standing in front of her table with a packaged sandwich and a coffee.

“Ah, Hannah,” Diana said, trying not to look very panicked. “I didn’t see you there.”

“I could tell,” Hannah replied, teasingly. “I’ve never seen someone be quite that intimate with their phone. So, what’s up?”

“There is nothing up!” Diana said, a little too hastily. Hannah raised an eyebrow. The phone seemed to burn in Diana’s pocket, wanting to incriminate her. Not having it in her to come up with a convincing lie, Diana decided on a truncated version of the truth. “I mean to say, it isn’t anything yet. Merely… texts.”

“’Merely texts’ is a lot, considering that it’s you,” Hannah pointed out. “When’s the last time someone got even that much out of you?”

“Hannah, please.”

“Okay, okay, have it your way,” Hannah said, with a little shrug. “I’ll leave you to it. I have to be getting back, anyways, I was just picking up my lunch.”

Diana awkwardly waved Hannah goodbye as she left. Thinking that she couldn’t handle running into any more co-workers, she decided that leaving was the safest option for her, as well. Diana waited for a while to ensure she didn’t run into Hannah outside, and then got up to leave.

Running into Hannah had brought to sharp focus the danger that having this sort of contact with Akko posed. If anybody she worked with found out… Chief Callistis was a very understanding woman. But Finnelan wasn’t. If word got around to her about Diana’s… whatever it was she had with Akko, Diana wouldn’t be facing a suspension. She’d be facing a firing at best and criminal charges at worst.

Was it worth it? That was the question Diana asked herself as she walked to her car, which was parked a block away. Was it worth it to risk her career, the reputation of her family – what little was left of it – and her freedom, all over… what? A crush? A flippant thief?

A girl who had declared herself to be Diana’s friend, just so she wouldn’t have to be alone?

Could she risk everything that she feared most just for a chance at some fleeting happiness? After all, it would never last. Any relationship between a criminal and a detective was born doomed, no matter what the novels in the shameful part of Diana’s bookshelf said. The knot inside her that had started to loosen when she texted with Akko had tightened all the way, now, spurred by her sudden fear of discovery.

Stopping in front of her car, Diana dug out her phone. Akko was still flooding her phone with some unbearably charming story about her _night fall_ -loving friend, Lotte.

Hating herself, she interrupted Akko’s flood with a short text.

And then she hit “block number”.

* * *

Monday evening found a despondent Diana floating around the house like a ghost in pyjamas.

She couldn’t wait for Wednesday. At least then she could bury herself in work and work and more work until whatever she was currently feeling went ahead and died already, instead of rattling around the almost-empty mansion where one guest room still smelled like her – though Diana was fairly sure she was imagining that – and there was absolutely nothing to distract her.

It was stupid, really, thought Diana as she boiled an egg for dinner, getting so hung up over a woman she’d met exactly twice. It wasn’t logical. It was infuriating. Even now, she was glancing at her phone, which she had taken to moving with her from room to room, even though she wasn’t really in the habit of using it except to read the news. All she would have to do was to hit unblock, and Akko would be back in her life. Still staring at her phone, she poured her egg cup full of tea and placed the egg into her teacup.

Realising her mistake, she sighed, but didn’t care enough to do anything about it. The egg cup didn’t hold a lot of tea, so she set the kettle down next to it, and merely poured herself more any time it ran out.

“Are you drinking _tea shots?”_ asked someone.

“Wha-!” Diana exclaimed, instinctually reaching for her pistol and forgetting that she was in her pyjamas. Seeing the intruder, she momentarily relaxed, before forcing herself to tense again. “Akko! What are you doing here?”

“No, seriously, are you doing tea shots and an egg for dinner? ‘Cause that’s the lamest depression I’ve ever seen.” the thief, who was dressed casually in slacks and a sweater – it was chilly outside – said.

“What are you doing here?” Diana demanded. As Akko’s mouth began to form the words “tea shots” again, Diana interrupted. “Tell me now, or I’ll call for backup, and do not play any games!”

Akko’s eyes narrowed, and she settled on the other side of the breakfast bar that Diana was seated at. “Oh, so now it’s no games, huh? How about this: Akko texts, ‘Lotte made it sound so reasonable and fancy, I actually believed her, and I saw the girl, and I go’, and there Akko’s part ends, and Diana texts, ‘I apologise. This has been a mistake.’ and blocks my number. Ring any bells? By the way, he punchline to my story was ‘I’d forsake immortality for you, baby’ and the girl never talked to me again, and the final week of middle school was _really_ weird.”

Diana turned her eyes away. True, her reaction had been hasty, but it wasn’t as if she owed the brunette anything. In fact, how dare she break into her house, as if Diana needed to explain herself? She stood to lose nothing here, unlike Diana, who had actual responsibilities and actual consequences to her actions.

“I said everything I wanted to say,” Diana said through her teeth. “Please. Leave.”

“Not until you explain,” Akko replied, resolutely crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s going on?”

Diana threw her hands up. “I don’t need to explain anything to you! I need you to leave!”

“Why?” Akko asked, staring at her from the other side of the breakfast bar.

“Because you are a criminal, and you are in my house, and- and- and you’ve got my earrings!” Diana snapped, noticing Akko’s ears. Both of them knew that Diana’s current anger had nothing to do with a pair of earrings, but it gave her something tangible to focus it on, so she grabbed onto it like a drowning woman would grasp at a straw. “Give them back!”

Akko shrugged. “Come and take them.”

Diana stared at the entirely unconcerned thief. All of the confusion, sadness and anger that had been bubbling up in her for her long weekend seemed to be coming up to the surface and coming to a head. Tauntingly, Akko stroked the earrings with her fingers, showing them off. Diana saw red. Growling, she dived across the bar, intending to tackle Akko – who danced out of the way, and fled the kitchen. Diana gave chase, happy to drown the conflicting emotions inside her into physical activity.

Bursting into the hall, she ran after the brunette. She caught up to Akko at her bedroom door, and this time connected with her tackle, pinning the brunette to the door. The shorter woman stared at her defiantly from between Diana and the door.

“So, feeling better?” she asked. “Is this what you wanted?”

“What?” Diana snapped. “I want my earrings, and then I want you out of the house.”

“Can you stop lying?” Akko demanded, pressing her nose to Diana’s, who didn’t recoil.

“What are you on about?” Diana hissed. “I have met you twice! You are just… another criminal!”

“If I was ‘just another criminal’ to you, you would’ve arrested me already,” Akko challenged, hotly. “Not told me about your fears and all that stuff.”

Diana tried to come up with a response, still keeping Akko pinned to the door.

“What’s this really about?” Akko demanded. “At least tell me.”

“You are in my house-“

“Tell me what this is really about!” Akko’s voice rose as she interrupted Diana. Her eyes locked onto Diana’s, full of emotion.

“I…” Diana couldn’t get words out. Everything was spinning around her. A frustrated noise from the back of her throat was the only thing she could get out. She tried to pin Akko tighter against the door, hoping to communicate with her body some iota of the absolute maelstrom of emotions that was swirling in her - and lost her balance when Akko reached for the door handle.

The door opened by the force of the two women pressed against it, and they went tumbling down on the floor of Diana’s room. Akko sprung up first, and Diana, from her knees, wrapped her hands around the brunette’s midsection and pushed her onto her bed, ending up on top, trying to get into a mount.

The thief wriggled under her, and Diana pushed her further, grasping a pair of slender wrists tightly and raising them above Akko’s head. Between her legs, the brunette tried to buck her off, and Diana squeezed her hips onto Akko’s to keep her still.

Akko stopped moving. Her chest was rising and falling along with her laboured breathing. Diana panted, locking eyes with the woman underneath her and tightened her grip on Akko’s wrists.

Akko bucked her hips again, this time more gently. Diana’s mouth went dry.

Inside her, something broke.

Diana let go of Akko’s wrists, and grabbed the sides of her head, mashing her lips onto Akko’s roughly, and was rewarded with a soft noise from the thief, as well as a pair of needy hands digging into her hair and scratching her scalp.

Akko kissed her back, softer than she had, and Diana drowned in the embrace.

* * *

The sun rose, crawling up the sky slowly.

The morning light that intruded from the window and slowly filled the room was as fragile and pale as what was inside the room. Two women lay on the bed. A sweater had been tossed onto the nearest dresser, and a pair of pyjama bottoms had ended up on the windowsill.

In the bed, Akko gently stroked Diana’s back, stopping to lay little kisses along the path that her fingers traced. Diana sighed, contentedly.

A little bit of happiness.

But tinged with sorrow.

They had been trying to avoid speaking. Both of them knew that starting to talk would shatter the fragile thing that they had built on caresses, kisses and gentle touches. It would wipe away the shadows they had been hiding in, like the morning light washed away the night, leaving only the bare truth.

Diana turned to face Akko and spoke the truth.

“This can not continue.” She would have liked to avoid the brunette’s eyes, but sadly for her, Diana Cavendish had far too much backbone. She faced them head on and watched the heart-breaking symphony of emotions that played on Akko’s face, from a flash of anger, to resolve, to sorrow, and finally…

acceptance.

“Figures,” she breathed, pouting slightly. Diana’s lips turned upwards at how endearing it was that Akko would pout at their current situation. “Wanna tell me why?”

“My immediate superior, she found a picture of us from the other night, at Blackwell’s party,” Diana explained. “To make a long story short, she kindly did not report me, but she did make it very clear that any… association… with you would not… that if anybody above her were to find out, I would be terminated.”

Diana waited for Akko’s reaction with a sense of trepidation. Would the other woman be angry at her for prioritising her career over her?

Akko’s eyes had widened. Was she angry?

“They’d kill you?!” Akko asked, shocked.

Diana exhaled through her nose, unable to keep herself from smiling. “Curse you for making me smile at a time like this. No, obviously I mean that they would fire me, possibly with some criminal charges thrown in.”

“Oh, that’s a relief,” Akko breathed. Then she took a moment to consider Diana’s words, and Diana’s earlier fear returned. Finally, she spoke again. “And if you get fired, all that reputation and legacy stuff you talked about, that would be ruined, right? And your career, too. So, you don’t want to risk all of that just to date me, because who knows if we’re even going to work out, right?”

Diana was slightly surprised that Akko had been immediately see her conflict, but it also stuck another dagger into her already bleeding heart – Akko really did care, and what’s more, she understood.

“Yes.”

Akko closed her eyes and breathed out. “I get it. Really. I do. I _wish_ I didn’t… but I do.”

Even though she tried to squeeze her eyes shut, tears were still trickling out. Diana reached to wipe them off, tenderly, and Akko took the opportunity to capture her hand. Laying a kiss on her palm, she opened her eyes and held Diana’s hand to her cheek.

“I just wish we could have found out.”

Diana wanted to say something, but there wasn’t really anything to say. So, they simply laid there, enjoying whatever time they had left together.

Which seemed to be short, as there was a very polite “ahem” from the door. Which was open.

Diana whirled around in a panic to see Anna while trying to cover herself and Akko with as many blankets and pillows as she could find within arms’ reach.

“Ah, Anna,” she said, stuttering. “I… am very sure that I can explain.”

Anna pursed her lips.

“I suppose I am glad that it was not only a one-night stand,” she said, her expression stern. “Well, then. This used to be a noble house, and there are still some manners to be had. I shall prepare breakfast for two. Miss, do you prefer your tea with sugar or milk?”

From underneath the covers Diana had buried her in, Akko managed to squeak out “both”. Anna nodded at Diana, who was very, very red, and turned on her heels as if nothing was out of the ordinary, politely closing the door that the two of them had left open.

Diana stared at the door.

Behind her, Akko started to giggle hysterically.

* * *

After a notably awkward breakfast, Diana walked Akko to the front door. They stood, looking at each other, neither willing to say goodbye, both hoping for something to extend their time together. Suddenly, Diana thought of something.

“Would you wait there a moment?” she asked Akko, and without stopping to wait for an answer, she rushed back to her room, looking. She found what she was looking for and rushed back. She had an irrational fear that Akko would be gone by the time she got back, but no, the mystified brunette was still waiting for her as she returned.

“Here,” she said, stopping in front of the thief, holding out her palm, on which were a pair of earrings.

Akko’s eyes widened. “But…”

“I know that you thought of these as an insurance that we would see each other again,” Diana said, hastily, grabbing onto Akko’s hand and pressing the earrings into it. “But, you see, they are actually part of a matched set, they… go together with this.”

And with that, Diana leaned over to press a kiss on Akko’s lips, blushing at the theatricality of her gesture.

Akko giggled as they drew apart. “That was so dorky.”

And then she kissed Diana and continued with her eyes watering. “But nice. Thank you, Diana. For everything.”

Diana smiled, even though she could feel tears pooling in her own eyes, as well. “I… they’re still insurance, just so you know. I want to believe that someday… perhaps…”

Diana’s voice failed, and she couldn’t continue her sentence. Akko took her hand and squeezed.

“Someday,” she confirmed. Then she drew a long, shaky breath, and let go of Diana’s hand. “Goodbye, Diana.”

“Goodbye… Atsuko.”

The door opened, and closed, and Akko was gone.

Standing in front of it, Diana let out a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding.

A little bit of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This always happens. I think, oh, this is two chapters, nice! And then it becomes five. But I promise, this one will wrap up in three!
> 
> As of other things, my highlight of my writing "career" is now when I Googled "SYNONYMS FOR POT" in order to get Harold Panner. You know, Harry Potter, pots, pans, haha. Shut up, I'm very proud. There is an actual reason I didn't just use Harry Potter, and that's that I felt it would anchor this story into the real world, and that would take away from the story and the magic of the world - which was one of the things I fell in love with in LWA.
> 
> And as always, thank you for reading!


	3. Running Down a Dream

Atsuko ”Akko” Kagari was tossing and turning.

In her dream, she was a child. An endless field spread across a forest, that conveniently leaned across it whenever the dream demanded it, and she was in a wooden village in the middle of the field. Her surroundings didn’t resemble any place she had actually visited, but had elements from many of them.

The wooden village was definitely familiar.

But in this wooden village – very unlike the ghost town Akko had spent ages sixteen to eighteen in -, there were people. Not just passing cartels and other shady folk, but actual people. Families were milling about, and though she couldn’t make out any faces in the dream, she had the distinct sense that her parents were there, and what’s more, that her parents were… happy. Which was very unlike them.

Only two faces were visible. Only two figures were clear in her dream, chasing each other around a wooden chariot in the shadow of a large, wooden cross. Two children, one blonde and one brunette.

The blonde girl had picked up a curved stick and was pretending it to be a gun. A distorted voice shouted through the dream. “I am the law! I am detective Chariot! I am going to lock up all of the baddies!”

The brunette was deftly avoiding the imaginary bullets being fired by her pursuer and yelled in return: “Nuh-uh! I’m Shiny Chariot! I’m going to steal all of the evil people’s stuff!”

Then a very adult voice seemed to whisper: “But then we can’t be together…”

And Akko woke, with a start.

* * *

The doors of the warehouse they took shelter in would have made too much noise, so Akko slipped out through the window. No reason to go waking Lotte and Sucy, right? The cool night air greeted her immediately. In the distance, the lights of Marseille twinkled, and the _Grand port de maritime Marseille_ still churned with activity.

Akko fastened her trench coat against the wind and set out to walk along the shore. Heh. She hadn’t ever owned a trench coat before. It had been an impulse buy, and Akko wasn’t at all shy to admit that it was definitely because it reminded her of what she had affectionately termed Diana fashion.

The dream had been super weird. The wooden village? That hadn’t featured in her dreams for years. She had thought that would have been gone by now. Diana, well, Diana had featured in her dreams, often and without any consultation from her rational mind (which, to be fair, would have enthusiastically agreed to any and all featuring of Diana in her dreams, daydreams, and any other thoughts, as well) – but never like this.

It felt almost prophetic, somehow. A chariot? Sure, that was probably something about Shiny Chariot, considering that it was… duh, a chariot. Easy. But what about the cross? Her experience with dream reading – mostly from her phase of being a superfan of Harold Panner, the book series about teenage wizards, which had led her to _several_ regrettable decisions and one tattoo removal – didn’t give her anything to go on. Chariot being overshadowed by a cross? Was Shiny Chariot being haunted by… Jesus?

It didn’t _seem_ to make any sense. But, then again, Akko reasoned, stranger things had happened.

But, no, it still probably wasn’t Jesus.

And, if she was being real with herself, the dream probably wasn’t prophetic, either. Just a weird dream, combining the things that happened to her lately, as well as in her past.

Akko’s mind was quick to gloss over any and all details she didn’t particularly like to dwell on, so she pushed the wooden village to the back of her mind. She didn’t need to think about that anymore. She had Lotte and Sucy now, and things were alright. For the first time in forever, things were actually okay. So, there was no sense going back to the wooden village, because the wooden village was super depressing, and who wanted to think about super depressing things, anyways?

As she walked, Akko reflected on her life. Thus far, it had been a weird ride. From Japan, to America, to the Philippines and finally to Europe. She had left Japan very early – at sixteen, in fact – when her parents had finally run out of money to support her. To her parents, she had been an only child and a singular disappointment. Akko hadn’t had an unhappy childhood… just not a happy one, either. Her parents, both technically minded, ambitious people, had pretty much lost interest in her after it came to light that she wasn’t very interested in math, or accounting, or medicine, or engineering, or anything worthwhile according to them. Instead little Akko had wanted to be a Luna Nova Detective – even after it was pointed out to her, repeatedly, that a Luna Nova Detective made only about forty thousand USD a year, whereas a specialised doctor or a lead engineer could make millions.

Her parents had been very focused on money and getting more of it. In a way, Akko supposed they had both been success stories – her mother had started an accounting firm, and her father had been a successful engineer, and combined, they had probably been millionaires. Emphasis on the word _had_. In the midst of the scandal that had brought down Shiny Chariot, somebody had emptied all of their bank accounts, including her mother’s firm’s accounts. They had gone from being wealthy and successful to being nothing and having nothing, and as their life’s work – the one that had been the most important to Akko’s parents – had crumbled into nothing, so had what little remained of their love for their impulsive, energetic and wholly unserious daughter.

At sixteen, she had officially been kicked out. Well, asked to leave. Her father and mother had quickly found work – their skills hadn’t disappeared – but, ever the accountant, her mother had calculated that Akko was a “losing investment”, as she wouldn’t be a highly paid doctor or even an accountant, and it simply wasn’t _profitable_ for them to support a daughter like her. And so, they had called her into the living room, sat her down and kindly… explained the situation to her. With no hate, or anger, or disgust, or sorrow, or love or anything other than a neutral tone of voice and neutral faces.

Her parents had never hated her, Akko had figured. They simply hadn’t ever cared enough to feel much anything about her.

Having been raised without attention, she was prone to seeking it. She wanted to be detective Chariot, because that meant that she could make loads of people smile, and feel happy, and… then, they’d be thankful to her, and love her; in short, give her the attention and acceptance she could never get, growing up. Akko was a surprisingly introspective person.

She had decided to finally apply for the Luna Nova Academy. However, having no money to pay for tuition and failing a mental health evaluation (turns out, having your parents ask you to leave because they had only ever thought of you as an investment isn’t _great_ for your mental wellbeing), she had been left with essentially nothing except a polite but firm “nope” from Luna Nova. For six months, she had worked odd jobs for faceless corporations who didn’t value her – who would reward the loyalty and endless hours of extra work she gave them with a firing the moment she missed a day due to the flu – before saving up enough for a flight ticket to America.

Outside of her reverie, her steps were bringing her closer and closer to Marseille, swallowing up the shoreline.

She hadn’t had a visa, and her English had been less than perfect, so she’d ended up a homeless, illegal alien, living as a rat in a ghost town that was used for criminal organisations for their shady dealings. The wooden town. Even now, the memory made Akko shiver. For two years, she had slept under the floorboards, in attics, in ancient storm drains where she feared she’d drown in the night if it rained, and she had listened. At first, she had only heard criminals talking to each other.

But shortly, she had recognised that not all of the people who frequented the wooden town were criminals. Some were representatives of large corporations who needed things done, people intimidated, supplies moved. A seed of anger had been planted, then.

She had met Lotte after two years in this hell. Lotte had been running an early version of what they would end up doing out of her van, driving up to the various drop points that criminals had across the country, stealing the money and any valuables, and driving off again. A kind, Finnish woman with orangish hair and large spectacles on her nose, she was an absolute beast at the wheel, doing manoeuvres with an old, beat-up van that the best drivers in the world couldn’t pull off on specially designed muscle cars. She was also a talented mechanic, and often spoke of engines having spirits inside them – which Akko had accepted without criticism or comment, earning Lotte’s liking.

She had discovered Akko one night, sleeping on top of a pile of illegal money, and after a few false starts, they had hit it off. They had escaped the wooden town with a pile of illegal cash, setting it on fire behind them, and evading a few, large criminal organisations who had pursued them across the Midwest – saving each other’s lives more than once.

Finally, they had left the country on the first flight they could get fake visas and passports for – a flight to the Philippines. Touching down in the Mactan-Cebu International Airport, they had emerged with a mission. On the plane, Akko had told Lotte of her love of detective Chariot, but now she’d also professed her love for Shiny Chariot, Chariot’s criminal alter ego – and how she’d been driven underground after it came out that she was stealing from people the law wouldn’t touch and distributing the money to charities.

They had come up with Philanthropy.

Hiding from criminals in a frequently visited ghost town for two years had taught Akko to be stealthy and quiet. She was naturally athletic and climbing around the wooden town – the wooden playground, if she thought about it that way – had made her an expert acrobat to boot. Lotte was a driver and a mechanic to the bone. Together, they’d hit criminals, like Shiny Chariot had, steal everything they could, and then distribute it straight to people in need. This, they had reasoned, had been Shiny Chariot’s mistake – she had given the money she’d been stealing to charities, many of which had been forced to fold after she had been caught. However, if the money was given directly to people – lots of people – then who would the police go after? Even if they were caught, the good they did for people would live on.

It’s just that they had no idea how to actually go about doing that.

That’s where Sucy had come in. They had run into the Filipina in a small neighbourhood outside Cebu City, set on poisoning a group of thugs who were shaking down an orphanage for money, which had always struck Akko as a profoundly weird plan to begin with. Who shook down an orphanage for money? What had those people thought orphans were made of, gold? But the fact remained that they had been shaking down an orphanage for money, and that had invoked the wrath of Sucy. She had two areas of expertise: chemistry (specifically _offensive_ chemistry) and programming. This sort of genius would have netted her one of those million-dollar jobs that would have made Akko’s parents happy, but she chose to go from neighbourhood to neighbourhood, distributing her own brand of justice.

When they had first questioned her, she had sprayed Akko with tear gas and fled.

The second time they’d caught up to her, she’d sprayed Akko with tear gas, again, but had apparently exchanged a few words with Lotte.

In the end, a few orphanage-assaulting thugs had ended up with severe cases of poisoning and also severe cases of being in prison, the orphanage had ended up with some mysterious new funding, and they had ended up with Sucy, and finally, the means to put Philanthropy in business.

They were going to take it all back – the money criminals and the evil corporations who dealt with them were stealing from the people, while living off of them – with Akko serving as their burglar, Lotte as their driver and Sucy as their chemical weapons specialist, as well as their distributor.

With Sucy’s prodigal skills at programming, all they needed to do was to have the cash. She would write up an algorithm (or a program, or something, Akko wasn’t exactly sure, and got most of her information on programming from crime shows on the television) and they could launder the money easily through shell companies and proxies, and end up with the money being directly distributed to those they deemed to be needy, whether or not it was an orphanage in the Philippines or a family of four struggling in Sweden.

Akko smiled at how far they had all come, as the cool night air and the sound of waves in the port calmed her down, and she walked. She was nearly to the outskirts of Marseille, now, crossing over a small bridge. She stopped on the bridge, to admire the view towards the port, and muse on her friends.

She loved her friends.

Lotte was definitely the mom of their group. She was quiet, but surprisingly firm when she needed to be, and looked out for everybody. This quality of hers was what had drawn Sucy in, Akko believed. Sucy needed somebody to mom her a little bit, even though she acted super surly and like she didn’t care at all. Sucy had never spoken too much about her past, but Akko had figured she was probably an orphan. Akko and Sucy were really somewhat similar, even though their ambitions ran in different directions – Sucy seemed to want to punish the world for being bad, while Akko wanted to fix the hole in her heart, without being too concerned with who had put it there.

For Akko, this was a perfect family. All she wanted.

Until, of course, Diana.

It had really been their first meeting that had set it off. In the hotel room, where Akko had been lounging with her stolen necklace. Diana had burst in with her pistol drawn, but when Akko had made for the window, she’d immediately holstered it and went to stop her from jumping out. Her first emotion towards a criminal she was meant to apprehend was concern.

Akko had never been a huge flirt, but in the catacombs, she’d decided to give it a try. Hey, you only live once, right? Why not flirt with a hot, elegant blonde detective? And she’d sort of flirted back. Or, not exactly flirted, but reacted to the flirting. Well, sort of. Then, later on, at the party – for which she still owed Amanda some cash for making her abandon her plan to rob Blackwell blind – she had been so caring! She had gone straight to getting Akko out of there (even though she could have handled herself) and to sober up. And to find out that the seemingly perfect, aloof detective with a huge house was - in addition to being caring, surprisingly funny, all proper but in a really cute way and _super hot_ – also a vulnerable woman, a real person with real feelings, had been… well, Akko had fallen. Hard.

Still, Akko knew herself fairly well, having been at least casually acquainted with herself for most of her life, and knew that falling in and out of love wasn’t exactly rare for her. So, despite everything that had happened, Akko expected that she could forget about Diana, or at least move on.

No such luck.

It was stupid, really. Who even knew if they would have worked out? Maybe Diana chewed with her mouth open, or secretly liked folk dancing, or maybe she hated animals, or something else equally catastrophic, and Akko would have ended up hating her. Or maybe Diana would have hated something about Akko. It was pointless to keep dwelling on it.

And yet she dwelled on it. She dwelled a lot. On Diana’s lips, and skin, and butt, and hair, and her compassion, and her wit, and her vulnerability, and her voice… Diana dominated her thoughts so utterly, that she could almost hear her voice saying the word _utterly_ , which had been categorised by Akko as a Diana word. She could almost hear her perfectly posh accent form the word…

“… utterly preposterous. Is there no way for us to get air surveillance?”

Wait.

That was not her fantasies talking. That was _Diana_ talking. Actually talking. With someone. In fact, both Diana and the someone were coming _towards_ the bridge, from the direction of Marseille, their shadows from the streetlights casting behind them.

“I can see what I can do, but don’t count on it,” the blue-haired woman walking beside Diana said. Neither of the two had noticed Akko yet. “I did warn you that this mission might be a little more barebones than you’re used to.”

“Yes, Chief,” Diana said, grudgingly. They were just about to step on the bridge, which, thankfully, was quite long, but it wouldn’t be long until they saw the trenchcoated Akko. What would Diana think to see Akko here? Would she think that Akko was following her? What’s more important, would she think Akko was copying her style? Would she like it, or find it kind of weird? And the other woman was her Chief! The last time they’d met, Diana had told her that if her superiors found out about the two of them, she’d be fired! And it had been only two months, six days and approximately seventeen hours since they had… since they had… _seen_ each other! What if some of Diana’s DNA was still on her?! What if the Chief could see it?! Could they do that?!

Akko went to full panic mode, looking around the bridge in a frenzy. Diana and her Chief were still coming closer.

Akko did the only sensible thing.

Akko jumped off the bridge.

* * *

In retrospect, maybe there would have been other options. Maybe jumping off a bridge wasn’t the only option when confronted with your sort-of-but-not-really ex.

But Akko lived on a strict policy of no regrets unless someone died or felt really bad or if she missed out on meeting Shiny Chariot or… well, actually, there were lots of things she would regret or did regret. Ahem. Akko lived on a _pretty lax_ policy of usually not regretting things too badly. So, as soon as she dried up, she’d likely forget about the whole jumping off a bridge thing.

And anyways, it had been a low bridge. And Akko had lots of experience in falling safely and controlling her body in the air – it was actually one of her most developed skills, considering how much she fell on a daily basis, either due to necessity or, well, clumsiness. So, in fact, it had been a perfectly reasonable solution. Chariot-level problem solving!

That was what she had managed to convince herself of, climbing out of the freezing water and trekking all the way back to the warehouse. The sun had crept over the horizon and the first light of dawn was shining on the dilapidated warehouse that they’d been using as a base for almost a year. In a year, they had managed to turn it into a home, with a fully functional kitchen, bunk beds that had actual mattresses in them, a chemical weapons lab (hey, it was a home for Sucy as well) and a garage, not to mention a state of the art server room from where they ran the online portion of Philanthropy.

The door they used to enter, which was on the side of the building that faced the water (so that they could enter and leave seen by as few people as possible) opened into a small room that had previously been an office from which the operations of the warehouse had been directed, that they’d turned into a combined living room and mud room. From there, the door on the far wall opened into the large, empty warehouse space, where the garage was located, and the door on the left led to the kitchens, and through the kitchens, they had a shared sleeping space, a dorm room-like arrangement. The chemical weapons lab was located in an attached building, due to repeated pleading from Akko (which were ignored) and one stern request from Lotte (which was grudgingly obeyed).

Akko was freezing and still fighting off residual embarrassment from her fall when she entered through the door. She resolved not to tell either of them what had happened. Especially since she hadn’t exactly told them about the whole situation with Diana in the first place.

In the living room, Sucy was on one of her computers. The server room was built into a space on the right side of the living room, and on that side, on the wall – again, at Akko’s insistence – there was also a large screen, usually used for entertainment. They usually made it a point to buy only the bare essentials with their profits – they all found it more or less immoral to steal just for their own pleasure - but considering that Lotte and Sucy had a garage and a fully equipped chemical weapons laboratory each, they both felt it was a little stingy to deny Akko one television.

Hearing the door, Sucy turned her head to glance at Akko before turning back to her computer.

“Why are you wetter and muddier than usual?” she asked, not bothering with a greeting.

Akko pondered about her answer, belatedly realising that even though she’d resolved not to tell them about what had happened, she hadn’t taken the time to come up with a reasonable lie, either. And coming up with lies on the spot wasn’t one of Akko’s strong suits.

“Well, you see, there was…” Akko began, before pausing to think. After a longish pause, Sucy turned entirely to look at Akko. Akko thought harder. “A… storm!”

“A storm?” Sucy asked, nonplussed. “There was a storm, and somehow we, who live in a warehouse with a sheet metal roof, missed it?”

“It was a very local storm?” Akko suggested, hopefully. A look from Sucy dashed her hopes.

“I don’t care what you were doing, but I suggest you get your story straight for Miss Mom,” Sucy said. Akko breathed a sigh of relief, happy that Sucy wasn’t going to question her. She was right, though, Lotte both would care and wouldn’t accept a flimsy lie, so Akko needed to figure out one, very fast –

Just then, the door to her left opened, and Lotte walked in wearing pyjamas and holding a cup of coffee. She said a sleepy hello to Sucy and another to Akko, and…

“Wait a minute. Akko? Why are you wetter and muddier than usual?” Lotte asked, pushing her glasses up and rubbing at her eyes, as if to verify that yes, the drenched individual standing in the doorway was, in fact, Akko.

“Well, you see, there was this…” Akko tapered off, once again, trying to think.

“Storm,” Sucy supplied, gleefully watching Akko’s discomfort. Akko shot her a glare, before turning back to Lotte, who now had an expression on her face that, if translated into words, would be somewhere between _really_ and _not this shit again_. That expression was common and reserved mostly for Akko.

“Yes! The storm… gang,” Akko finished, lamely.

“’There was this storm gang’?” Lotte asked, flatly.

“Yeah, they like to... pour water on people,” Akko explained. At the sight of Lotte’s expression, she relented. “Okay, fine, I jumped off a bridge, but it was a low one!”

“You jumped off – why did you jump off a bridge, Akko?” Lotte asked, incredulous.

“Well, I saw the police,” Akko said, figuring that that part of the truth couldn’t hurt. “So I needed to hide.”

“But the whole point of us hiding out here is that the police don’t know us! So we don’t need to hide from them! Do the police know you, Akko?”

“We-e-ell, it’s just the one detective who, um, knows me, really,” Akko said, scratching her neck awkwardly. _I really need to learn how to lie_ , she thought. Lotte’s reaction was predictable.

“What?! Oh, crap, we need to get going – Sucy, pack up the server room, I’ll get our travel kits-“

“Relax, Lotte! She just knows me, they’re not looking for us,” Akko yelped, rushing to stop Lotte’s mad dash to pack up everything and go. Lotte had a tendency to worry a little too much, in Akko’s opinion.

“What do you mean? If a cop knows who you are, they’re going to be knocking down our door any moment now!” Lotte exclaimed, not at all relaxed even though Akko had very clearly yelled at her to relax. Why didn’t that ever work?

“Well, then they would have done it already, ‘cause she’s known me for like two months now, and-“

That had been a mistake. At her computer, Sucy cackled. Lotte seemed to have a mini-stroke.

“Two months?!”

“Yeah, but it’s fine-

“Tell her about the earrings,” Sucy suggested, relishing the excitement.

“What- how do you know about them?” Akko asked, staring at Sucy in shock.

“I went through your stuff,” she replied, shrugging.

“You went through my stuff?!”

“I was looking for some plutonium.” Sucy’s tone was matter-of-fact, as if going through your friend’s belongings for some stray plutonium was comparable to digging around your couch for loose change.

“Why would I even have plutonium in my personal stuff?”

“I dunno. You have loads of weird stuff.”

“ _Two months_?!” Lotte demanded, again, recovering from her temporary stunned state and advancing on Akko. “The cops have known about us for two whole months and you haven’t bothered to say anything until now?!”

Akko let out an eep.

“Akko,” Lotte said, dangerously, grabbing Akko by her shoulders. “Explain, now!”

Akko groaned.

“Okay, this is kind of a long story…”

* * *

_Six days earlier._

Sitting in her study in Cavendish manor, Diana was poring over the case files. Whatever the Wagandea Club was, it was big. Perhaps the biggest thing she had ever come across in her entire career. Wagandea had connections all over the criminal underworld, from Blackwell, to the Italian mafia, to criminal enterprises in America and even in the Philippines. Their latest, and most promising, lead was some sort of handling point in Marseille.

But handling point for what? They had no idea what sort of shipments Wagandea was handling in Marseille. Drugs? Weapons? Gemstones? It was an utter mystery to Luna Nova, and one that Diana was excited to solve. If they could break open this handling point, they could possibly break open Wagandea’s entire supply chain. But the operation didn’t come without several challenges, most of which she had no idea how to solve.

The Marseille civil authority didn’t want to support them, which was odd. They seemed reluctant to even allow Luna Nova to carry out on operation on their turf. Furthermore, Luna Nova wasn’t able to bring in any hardware apart from the bare essentials – which meant a single surveillance van and nothing more. No helicopters, or any sort of air support, no ground vehicles – Diana would be on her own, with only somebody talking in her ear for backup.

Nevertheless, Diana was excited. This was the perfect thing to take her mind off of…

and just like that, her mind was back _on_ Akko. On _the subject of_ Akko, that was. Diana sighed; her concentration was ruined.

There was a knock at the door.

“Lady Diana, I have brought your evening tea,” Anna said from the door. Diana instantly knew something was up, as Diana was perfectly capable of going out and getting her own evening tea. For her to walk a tray all the way to the study could only mean that what she really wanted was to talk to Diana.

“Please, come in and sit down,” she said, pointing to a free chair at the side of her desk. Anna nodded and glided in, carrying a tea tray with two cups and some biscuits. She sat down with her usual quiet air of dignity and was silent.

Diana picked up her tea and sipped at it.

“I must say that I do not approve of the young people’s habit of…” Anna held a small pause, as Diana politely sipped her tea. “’Hitting it and quitting it’, as they say.”

Diana hacked a cough, choking on her tea. Had Anna waited for her to take a sip so she could get Diana to do a spit take? Diana shot an accusing glare at the old retainer, who seemed entirely unconcerned.

“I- do not- know what you mean,” Diana choked out, still coughing. Her eyes watered. With great effort, she managed to clear her throat and resume an air of normalcy. “Really, Anna, I must confess that I do not at all understand what you are getting at.”

“I cannot help but notice that we haven’t hosted Miss Kagari as of late,” Anna pointed out, pointedly.

Diana sighed. Of course. She wasn’t in the mood to talk about Akko, she had an entire operation to plan. Curtly, she turned back to her papers. “And I am afraid that we will not be hosting her in the future, either. Now, if that is all…”

Anna did not move, and Diana was rudely reminded of the fact that, despite their formal relationship being that of a servant and an employer, she didn’t really have the authority to order Anna around.

“May I ask why?” Anna asked, looking out the window and sipping at her own tea. Diana resisted the temptation to answer “you may”, but a petty part of her wanted to. Instead, she sighed.

“There were… irreconcilable differences,” she said, finally, hoping that Anna would simply drop it.

“Really? In my experiences, there are very few actually irreconcilable differences between couples, if the two people involved resolve to work through them,” Anna replied.

“Well, in this case, I do believe we could not have worked through them,” Diana said, pursing her lips slightly as she spoke. She was getting irritated. It was as if someone was poking at a fresh wound.

“And why is that?” Anna asked, evenly.

“Because Miss Kagari happens to be a criminal, and in case you’ve not noticed, I happen to be an officer of the law!” Diana snapped. Immediately, she felt bad for snapping at Anna, but she could not talk about Akko now. She rubbed her eyes with her palms.

Anna straightened up, peering at Diana curiously. “Really, now. She was a murderess, then?”

“Anna, please. I wouldn’t bring a murderess here,” Diana said, exhausted.

“But surely she must have done something horrific. Was she a kidnapper, perhaps?” Anna continued asking.

“If you must know, she was a jewel thief,” Diana said. “Where are you getting to with all this?”

“I am merely curious. She would have been the type to steal an old woman’s heirlooms, wedding rings from the hands of people caught unawares, then?” Anna asked, still affecting an air of idle conversation. “All sorts of valuables from people to whom they mean the world?”

Diana began to see where Anna was headed. “No, as far as I investigated her, she exclusively targeted wealthy businessmen and such who had criminal connections. But may I ask you in return, would you have the Cavendish name associated with jewel thievery, even if it is of a relatively benevolent sort? As far as I know, our family have never been criminals.”

“Then you don’t know your family history very well, lady Diana,” Anna said, simply.

Diana was aghast. “What, do you mean to say that we build this estate by – what, pilfering goods off of passing kings and the like?”

“Did you know that the building in the East Gardens used to be a hospital?” Anna asked, cutting through Diana’s barb.

“I – yes, of course. My mother told me that story all the time. In the Middle Ages, in times of war, it was used as a field hospital to treat wounded soldiers.” Diana recited, once again confused as to what Anna was getting at.

“Wounded soldiers from _both sides_ ,” Anna clarified, pointedly. “And to do so was a great crime against the realm, against the king, even. And even though the good name of your ancestors kept any formal accusations at bay, for a long time, they were considered to be pariahs. But they continued helping the wounded no matter what, because it was the right thing to do.”

Diana was taken aback. Of course, she had known that – her mother had emphasised the danger the family put themselves in to help the needy – but she hadn’t ever connected it with modern crime. “Well, in that case, I believe it was rather obvious that the law was not moral – but I highly doubt that Miss Kagari has any lofty motivations like that. Stealing for personal profit is quite a bit different than helping wounded soldiers.”

Anna rose up, gathering the tea tray. From her standing position, she was able to look down on Diana.

“Lady Diana, I had believed you to be a detective,” the old woman said, disparagingly, while fixing Diana with a piercing gaze. “Or do you really believe that a successful jewel thief who targets wealthy people – ones with criminal connections, no less - yet wears ratty ten-pound trainers when meeting a romantic interest truly has no other motive than personal profit?”

Diana simply stared. She was an adult, a talented detective and a somewhat intelligent individual – why did she keep getting lectured so much as of late? She was also vaguely impressed that Anna had been paying attention to Akko’s choice of shoes, though, frankly, her cheap bra would have been much more telling, now that she thought about it. After all, one could find cheap shoes to be comfortable, but Diana had never been able to find a cheap bra that was equally comfortable as a properly fitted, mid-priced to expensive one.

She wasn’t about to breathe a word about Akko’s bra to Anna, though, but it was certainly something to think about. And now that she did, she remembered that Akko had never worn anything expensive - not even any of the jewels that she had stolen. Unlike other jewel thieves, who usually wore loads of jewels as well as elegant, lavish clothing in order to fit into the kinds of crowds where one could easily steal valuable jewellery, she had never seen Akko in any outfit that would have cost more than fifty pounds to put together.

Noticing that the younger woman was deep in thought, Anna gave a small nod to Diana. “Now, it is not my business to tell you how to run your love life, but I would simply hope that you wouldn’t throw away a chance at happiness that carelessly.”

Diana didn’t have a retort, at the moment, nor did she really feel like she stood a chance at arguing with Anna, anyways. She simply gave a sort-of nod to Anna, who turned around to walk out.

“Good night, lady Diana,” she said, from the door.

“Good night, Anna,” Diana replied, weakly.

As the door clicked shut, Diana leaned back in her chair. There was no hope of her concentrating on the operation in Marseille, now. But there was another bit of research she could look into…

Straightening up, she opened her laptop and accessed the Luna Nova database. At least finding this bit of information out would afford her some measure of peace.

It was time to find out how, exactly, Atsuko Kagari was spending her money.

* * *

Morning had come too fast.

Sitting down in her office, Diana was trying to come up with a plan of action for Marseille. Thus far, the one plan that she had was one that she didn’t like very much.

She was interrupted by her door opening. Expecting to find Chief Callistis or some member of her task force, she looked up to see Hannah at the door.

“Hullo, Diana,” Hannah greeted. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch together?”

Diana furrowed her brow, slightly. She and Hannah hadn’t had lunch together since the Academy. “Hello, Hannah. I am afraid I must decline. I simply have too much work.”

“That’s too bad,” Hannah said. “I was hoping I could ask you about your text friend.”

_Text friend? Who is she –_

Ah. Hannah had caught her texting Akko at the Last Wednesday Society almost two months ago. It was strange for her to bring it up now, but Diana didn’t think too much of it.

“That ended ages ago, I am sorry to say,” Diana told her, smiling ruefully. “Irreconcilable differences.”

Hannah’s expression tightened in sympathy. “I’m sorry to hear that. When was it, again, two months ago that you were talking?”

That was a strange question. “Two months to the day, in fact.”

“So that would have been the third of April, right?” Hannah asked, awfully insistently. There was something very wrong here. It was the fourth of July, so two calendar months ago would have been…

“The fourth of April, actually,” Diana clarified, trying to search Hannah’s face for any clues as to what she was aiming for.

“Oh, silly me,” Hannah said, a little too quickly and unconvincingly. “I was just thinking of putting together a little memorial plaque for your love life.”

Diana gave a small, forced chuckle. So, was that all that had been? An attempt at teasing? “Well, hopefully it isn’t quite dead, yet. The expression goes that there are plenty of fish in the sea, correct?”

“Hope so,” Hannah said, smiling from the door, still standing partially behind the frame. “Well, I have to get going before my lunch break is over. Bye, now!”

Before Diana could get a goodbye out, Hannah had already shut the door. There was something very wrong with that entire exchange, but… what? Hannah and her were barely on friendly terms anymore, so for her to approach Diana like that was odd at best and downright suspicious at worst.

Sighing, she shook it out of her head. Whatever it was, it could wait – she had only five days until they would hit Marseille, and she had to get ready.

* * *

Walking on a footpath near the Grand port de maritime Marseille, Diana was letting her Chief know what exactly she thought about the level of backup she was going to be afforded.

“No air support, no ground support, not even local uniformed officers to back me up – it is utterly preposterous,” Diana said, fuming. “Is there no way for us to get air surveillance?”

“I’ll see what I can do, but don’t count on it,” Chief Callistis said, walking besides her. They were about to cross onto a low bridge. “I did warn you that this mission might be a little more barebones than you’re used to.”

“Yes, Chief,” Diana said, grudgingly. The plan itself was already bad enough. For the past few days they had been feeding the Marseille handling point with information that there was about to be a Luna Nova operative infiltrating them, soon. While it seemed stupid to intentionally give them information about themselves, the point was to force them to react, put people on the streets to keep watch, people they could identify. The actual location of the handling point was still a mystery to them, so they would have to be led there, and that’s where Wagandea’s increased street presence would come in handy – they hoped to follow their street thugs straight into the hideout. Even in a city the size of Marseille, there were unlikely to be multiple criminally owned buildings big enough to house a handling point for shipments and a base for criminal operations, so wherever they led them to would likely be the one. And then, Diana would have to get in – and the plan for that wasn’t exactly to Diana’s liking.

Diana’s thoughts were interrupted as there was a small _splash_ , sounding as if something had hit the water.

“Did you hear something?” Diana asked her Chief.

“No, nothing,” Callistis said, looking around her. “Did you?”

“I suppose it was nothing,” Diana said. For a second, she had been alarmed, but nothing seemed to be wrong. “In any case, we will begin the operation this evening. Will you be in the van with Hanbridge?”

Technician Andrew Hanbridge was a childhood acquaintance of Diana’s, and one whom she didn’t particularly like. But he was extremely competent in his role.

“No, I will be flying back to Headquarters in an hour, actually,” Callistis explained. “They’ve called me back for something urgent but refuse to tell me what it is. If it’s another surprise budget meeting, I’ll… well, never mind. I had best be going. Hash out the details with Hanbridge before you start the operation, and – while I’m sure you won’t need it – good luck.”

“Thank you, Chief”, Diana said. With a wave of her hand, Callistis turned, and started to briskly walk back to the direction they’d arrived from.

Diana went to the railing of the bridge, to observe the sun that had started to creep over the horizon. There seemed to be too much on her mind, from Anna’s word, to Hannah, to Akko, to the Wagandea Club and the operation in Marseille.

But there was nothing to it. She would simply have to focus on the task at hand and hope for it to go well.

* * *

Sitting in their living room, out of her wet clothes and wrapped in a soft blanket, Akko was very thankful for Lotte’s inner romantic streak. As soon as she had managed to get over the fact that a Luna Nova detective knew Akko’s face and name, her _night fall_ -side had latched onto the aspects of tragic, forbidden love in Akko’s little affair.

“But… maybe you could see each other in secret,” Lotte said, hopefully, for the third time. “You can meet in all sorts of exotic locations and then you’ll have to avoid her bosses and us, so we don’t find out-“

“You already know!” Akko interjected, trying to cut through Lotte’s babbling. She _was_ thankful for Lotte’s romantic streak. But also annoyed. But thankful. But annoyed.

Lotte went on without a care. “And _then_ you’ll get married in secret, on top of a mountain like Edgar and Arthur when their families were hunting them, but the priest will turn out to be a secret enemy agent, so you’ll have to kill him…”

“Guys?” Sucy had lost interest in Akko’s love life as soon as it had become apparent that Lotte wasn’t going to be angry and thus there would be no entertainment for her and had turned back to her computer. Now, however, she had turned back around and was trying to get the attention of her two friends, one of whom was lost in fantasyland, and one of whom was trying to escape from said fantasyland.

“Lotte, I don’t want to kill anybody at my wedding,” Akko said, not really hearing Sucy. “Those books are _so weird…_ ”

“Shush! Then you’ll say to each other, ‘our union was always sealed in blood, so let his death be the start of our life together’, and kiss on top of the mountain, and then Diana will grow wings because of the love and- ow!”

“Hey, idiots!” Sucy’s voice was insistent, as was the empty can she had chucked at Lotte’s head. “If you want all of that to happen, maybe we should make sure Akko’s girlfriend survives until then!”

That got both of her friends’ attention.

“What? Survives? Is something going to happen to Diana?!” Akko asked, rushing over to Sucy.

“Look,” Sucy said, bringing up some messages on her screen. “These were sent out by that big criminal group that operates in Marseille. They know that Luna Nova is sending some type of squad to hit their operations here, and they’re looking for a blonde-haired English detective. They’ve been sending this out to every hired thug in Marseille, and this hit they’re talking about is supposed to happen _tonight._ So, if you saw Diana here, that means…”

“Oh crap, that means they’re looking for Diana!” Akko said, panicking. “What do we do?”

“Well, we save her,” Sucy said, immediately, shrugging like it was obvious. There was a surprised silence. The other two turned to look at her, and she wilted slightly under their eyes. “What?”

“It’s just that, I didn’t think you’d be the first to suggest that,” Lotte said, giving words to what she and Akko were feeling. “It’s pretty touching, actually.”

“It’s not that weird,” Sucy grumbled, slightly red. “I’m your friend, too. I mean, we’ve been doing this for almost four years, now, I don’t get why you’re so surprised…”

Akko was overwhelmed. She reached out to wrap her arms around Sucy, who did a very good impression of a cat being put into a bathtub.

“Get off me, or I’ll put rat poison in your breakfast!” she hissed, trying to push Akko away.

Akko simply tightened her grip in response, the tender smile on her face widening. “Aww, that’s an empty threat. You know I never wake up early enough to eat breakfast.”

“I can put it in every other meal, too!” Sucy growled, managing to push the overly affectionate Akko away.

“Actually, it doesn’t matter what time you eat it, the first meal of the day is always breakfast – because the word doesn’t come from it being a morning meal, it comes from breaking your fast, which started-“ Lotte, who loved random trivia, began, and was interrupted.

“Nobody cares! Let’s save Akko’s girl before I kill Akko!” Sucy snapped. “Get a move on!”

* * *

“That’s the place,” Hanbridge said from the driver’s seat, pointing at the large shipping office on the next street over. They had parked far from it, not wanting to attract attention, but this was where they’d observed all of Wagandea’s hired muscle reporting to. They had been following them for a full day, now, since Diana and Chief Callistis’ conversation in the morning, and night had fallen over Marseille.

Diana nodded; her expression tight. It was time for the unpleasant part of the mission.

She would have to get captured.

“Just hang back. You are not a field operative, so do not entertain any ideas about giving me backup – if something were to go wrong, contact the Marseille police immediately and let them know,” Diana reiterated, giving Hanbridge the same instructions for the third time already. It was as much for her peace of mind as for actually reminding Hanbridge about the plan. “Keep me posted on the movements of any hostiles and keep Callistis updated as well.”

“Gotcha,” Hanbridge confirmed, giving Diana a thumbs up. With a final nod, Diana got out of the surveillance van, and waited for it to drive off.

Scanning the street around them, she found one of the thugs they had been following for most of the day, lounging near an alley. The thug, a large, tattooed and musclebound man, noticed her as well. Diana had her hands in her pocket, and began to walk towards the building that served as a Wagandea base, noticing the man move to follow her.

Thankfully, she could at least vent out her frustrations regarding the plan a little bit. She slowed her steps near another alley, allowing the man to catch up to her near the base – and before he knew it, Diana had already pulled him into the alley and introduced him to the business end of a standard issue Luna Nova telescope baton.

The man fell into the alley, unconscious.

Diana folded the baton up, again, mildly disappointed. And, emerging from the alley, she noticed several more thugs hanging all around the street suddenly turn their eyes at her.

Good. The plan was working.

Several of the thugs began to walk towards her, shoving aside the regular people who were milling about, bar-hopping in the Marseille nightlife. Diana broke off into a run.

She let them chase her around the building for a while, conveniently allowing her to check out where all of the exits and points of interest in the Wagandea base were located. As she rounded the corner to come back to the street she had started out on, where the main entrance to the building was located, she ran into a veritable wall of Wagandea men blocking her path.

 _Well, so much for running_ , Diana thought, stopping right outside the door. She looked around her – there were twenty or thirty thugs surrounding her, so, as much as she would have liked to vent her frustrations some more, it was time to execute the part of the plan she most disliked.

It wasn’t the danger that displeased her. It was more of how underhanded and needlessly risky it seemed to just allow herself to be captured, when in the good old days, Luna Nova could have rolled in with helicopters and hundreds of trained operatives, ready to storm the Wagandea base whether it liked it or not. She disliked that the plan was a poignant reminder of the current state of Luna Nova – forced to sneak around and resort to sneaky plans instead of fighting crime openly.

“Well, you seem to have caught me,” Diana said to nobody in particular. “What happens now?”

“Personally, my dear, I think it’s time for a little family reunion,” a voice sounded out from the main entrance. “It has been a while, after all.”

Diana’s eyes narrowed. “Not long enough, Aunt Daryl.”

Her aunt strode out of the building, flanked by four men, who were larger and more intimidating than the other thugs, each of them sporting prominent snake tattoos. Her aunt looked the same as she had always looked – dressed in furs and elegant clothing and without a tattoo in sight, she was still, somehow, the most snakelike of them all.

“Well, well, as I recall, the last time we met, you had me put in a prison,” Daryl said, as if trying to remember. She smirked at Diana. “I do think it’s time I returned the favour. Boys!”

Two of the snake tattoos stepped forward and moved to flank Diana. Diana made no move to resist, choosing to raise an eyebrow at her aunt instead.

“As I recall, the prison they put you in had a fully equipped spa, amongst many other amenities” she quipped, recalling the luxury prison they had put Daryl and her associates in. “I should think that a stay at whatever you consider to be a prison would be a nice break from work.”

“Oh, my dear Diana, you might find your accommodations to be a little less… accommodating,” Daryl laughed. Diana resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She didn’t find her aunt intimidating or particularly intelligent – the older woman had the sort of base, lower cunning that many criminal types did, but she lacked any sort of capacity for long-term planning. So, how exactly was she connected to the Wagandea Club?

“Am I to assume you’re in charge here?” Diana asked, trying to probe her for some information.

“Diana, Diana,” her aunt chided, chuckling mirthlessly. “If you think I’m going to give you that kind of information, you must have become even stupider than I remember. Now, _boys_!”

Her last comment was directed at the two men who were currently towering over both sides of Diana, and had yet to do anything besides stand still. Diana expected to be shoved forward, or dragged in, and was surprised by a gentle voice.

“Um, if you wouldn’t mind going in, Miss?” the one on her right asked. Diana craned her head to look at the man, who must have been well over two meters tall and who was looking vaguely uncomfortable about the whole situation and seemed to be trying hard to keep as respectful a distance as he could to Diana. On her other side, the other man seemed equally reluctant.

 _Well, that’s surprising_ , Diana thought, feeling an odd pang of sympathy for the thug with a snake tattoo.

“Certainly,” she said, politely, choosing to take pity on him. After all, getting captured was her plan, so she had no reason to complain. She strode forward, past her aunt – who was casting her thugs a venomous look that made Diana feel another pang of sympathy for the men – and into the maw of the beast.

* * *

On the rooftop overlooking the street, a lone figure stood, watching downwards as one of the tall men politely opened the door for Diana, who, having been raised with manners, politely thanked him and stepped in.

“They got her,” the figure spoke, seemingly into thin air. She was wearing a dark blue turtleneck and dark grey cargo pants – unlike popular belief, black actually made you stand out. In an urban environment in night-time, dark blues and greys were the way to go, if one wanted to blend in. “I count thirty-two Marseille thugs, four snake tattoo guys who looked weird, and one evil looking old woman, who I guess was Diana’s aunt.”

A voice crackled from her ear. “Wow, Akko, thanks for that _super professional_ report.”

“No prob!” Akko said, missing the sarcasm. Reaching to her neck, she pulled a cloth half-mask over the lower half of her face. “Akko, going dark.”

“Don’t say that. It’s dumb.” Sucy said into her earpiece.

“Still gonna say it, I think it’s super cool,” Akko said, seriously, looking down at the building. The lettering on top of the entrance declared the building to belong to a company called Croix Shipping Ltd.

It was time to go save her kind-of-sort-of-but-not-really ex.

Taking a deep breath, Akko plunged off the rooftop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. It is me, the worthless author who never knows how many chapters to reserve for a fic. This fic is now five chapters.
> 
> I started writing a short backstory for Akko, and then I kept writing it, and finally I realised that I really just wanted to write some more story. So I expanded all the things I wanted to expand, and now it really is mapped out to five chapters and possibly an epilogue. I also went back and cleaned up the last chapter a little bit.
> 
> ps. I am not sure how I feel about the dream sequence in the beginning. I feel like it's pretty cheesy and silly, but then again, this whole fic is meant to be pretty cheesy and silly.


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